I don't think about writing much but I will when I remember. This weekend was fun, we went to a wedding for a friend of Zach. It was nice to see people and we had a lot of fun. Zach was kind of emotional towards me when they were saying their vows. It was a good change in him, who knows how long it will last. I know he loves me but sometimes I feel like we are living in the same house but don't know each other. He is working more hours than he ever has before. He is going to work at 7:45am every morning and on Mondays and Thursdays he isn't getting home until almost 10pm because there is still work at 8 when he is supposed to leave, and the rest of the week he is out at 6 but isn't getting to leave until 7 or later. He calls at closing time every single day of the week and he calls from the locker room when he is getting dressed to let me know he is on his way home. People ask me "well do you really believe that he is working all of those hours or do you think he is cheating?". I KNOW he isn't cheating because he wouldn't and if I needed proof he brings home a print out every Saturday for me to look at that shows how many hours he was punched in and how much money he made. Being comission he does not have to punch in but being the logical person he is he does it anyway. He never wants to be in a situation where he can't account for where he was if he had to. I think also he is proud of getting that piece of paper at the end of the week that shows he worked 73 or 75 hours. This Saturday he got out at 12 so we could go to the wedding and it was nice to be with him from then until 6am on Monday. It is honestly the most time I have spent with him since we got married. On Saturday night when we got home he wanted to watch TV and talk and make food and that is so not like him but he said it was because he is always in a hurry and he had time to spend with me so he was going to take advantage of it. He fell asleep sitting up at 4 in the morning that is how dedicated he was to making sure I knew he wanted to be with me while he had the chance. Ok now I have to wonder Who Is This Person????? What happened to him? Since he has been putting a little more effort into things I have been putting more effort into the things I have been neglecting. I have been upset I guess about being alone so much so I just said fuck cleaning shit, I got so mad about pop cans and plates being all over the living room and clothes being on the floor constantly that I just gave up and cleaned that stuff up and left the rest of the house to fend for its self. I realized after this weekend that there is nothing he is doing wrong besides being tired but I am just feeling neglected and responsible for being a maid. That isn't the case, at least that is not how he tries to treat me. I had to take out the craziness of being pregnant and upset all of the time and look at it like, ok if I worked all of those hours and then had to come home and be a parent until bedtime and then be a spouse for a while before I could go to bed too I would certainly not give a fuck where I put my socks and where I left the Pepsi can. So what it really was is I was feeling like I was the one giving up the attention and like I was last priority. Once I didn't feel like that I started to want to clean the house and make dinner for him again. I hope that things stay like this for a while. We might be going to Indiana in a few weeks to meet Captain John and Captain Andy from the Time Bandit. He gets 80 hours vacation time so we will take the first week to go do that and then the second week between Christmas and New years so he can be home a little more during the holidays. Hopefully it works out because I need to get away for at least a little bit before the new baby comes. I don't know I just hope the good stuff lasts, I am so paranoid all the time because I think things are going to get bad again and I just can't handle the way I feel when it's bad. I can handle everything that comes as long as my kids are healthy and here with me and as long as Zach and I are good. When things go wrong in those 2 areas I just fall apart. We shall see won't we?